"No, Mike, don't drop out -- please!" screamed one woman as she sobbed uncontrollably for the nice sum of $2,500. "We need you! America needs you! We love you, Mike!"
One mourner was seen rolling around on the ground screaming. Another was quieter and more reflective, as he was only paid $50. A high-ranking campaign staffer was reportedly paid over $50,000 to commit seppuku to restore honor to his name after failing the great Mike Bloomberg.
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